The Secret of Writer’s Island

jcollinsCultural, Esoteric, FREEPOM44 Comments

JC Collins

It was the feeling of needing to do something which I had already done at some point in the future but because I wasn’t there yet I still needed to do it. Its force drew me forth towards an inevitable outcome. I was as much a victim to its timeless dark temptation as it was a victim to the growing light inside me.  Writer’s Island would be the crossroad where our past and future crashed together, giving birth to a new present.  An ever moving present which was unforgiving to the weak and corrupt.

The bones in my fingers snapped and popped as the weight of the lat pulldown machine stretched my hands.  Pop, pop, pop, and the tingles spread up my forearms. Grunt, but not too loud, and set the weight back down.  Breath heavy and curl my fingers inward. It feels good. 

Something is coming up but I pushed it back down.

What day is it?  Not sure. All days are alike. It’s Friday I think and it’s snowing outside.

Months have passed and the outward expressions of inward thoughts have remained quarantined like an island surrounded by thick fog. Over five years I wrote myself right over the edge of a cliff and splattered on the rocky edges below as the foamy waves washed my bones out to sea.   

Damn, now I’ll have to go and collect those bones at some point.  One more thing to do.

Holding the dumbbells I allowed their weight to stretch my arms for a few moments before starting the hammer curls.  In the mirror, I could see my reverse form and watched as the muscles rippled and veins pulsated with each movement. I could feel the muscles in my arms tightening and hardening. It feels good.  Feeling anything is good. 

Putting the weights down I turned and walked towards the water fountain. Others moved about in varying degrees of commitment. These shadow people and the endless dance of imperfection they performed around me in this world.  What did they want?  What did I want for them? What could I do for them? Sometimes the pain of others is unbearable. Sometimes, but not as much anymore.

Something is coming up but I pushed it back down. I won’t be able to do that for much longer.

Now I’m on a plane heading North again to the mine site. Heading home. No. Home I just left.   Marianne? Where did I leave her? This isn’t home.  This is something different. A sort of home where I work. There are people who like me there. But not love me. It’s okay. It feels good. 

A day goes by, maybe two. It’s been busy. Now it’s morning and I’m waiting outside in the cold wind for the bus. The bus takes me from the work camp to the mine site where my office is located. It’s cold. Sub-zero cold. I could be waiting inside but I need to feel the harsh wind bite into my face and cut through my jacket. It feels good.  Feeling anything is good. 

Standing there in the wind and cold I begin thinking about Writer’s Island. I think often of it. It’s a small island amongst many small islands just off the coast of Newfoundland, not more than a short boat ride from where I was born. The places where we are born are our real homes. Our energy is anchored to those places and the further we go from home the more our energy flows become stretched and streamy like a broken web in a breeze.

But we still have our light which comes from elsewhere. 

Another day passes and I’m on the plane heading home. Marianne picks me up at the airport as she always does.  It’s our thing.  A short reunion after a short separation.  Shake and repeat. At home, I’m sitting at my desk in the den. She’s sitting in the chair across the room. We’re talking, but not about the things I need to talk about. I need to tell her something.  A secret which I’ve kept hidden for ten years or more.  Something which I did but haven’t in fact done yet. 

Something is coming up and I tried to push it back down. I wasn’t able to keep it down there with the other things.  It’s coming up now.  There is no stopping it.

Marianne has the most intensely intelligent eyes I’ve ever seen.  It’s one of the things which drew me to her years ago.  Staring into those eyes now I begin to tell her a tale of human weakness and the corruption of a man’s heart.  

In 1899, occultist Aleister Crowley purchased a two-story villa on the south-east bank of Loch Ness in Scotland. It was known as the Boleskine House and Crowley intended to use it to conduct a six-month-long ritual.  This ritual is called the Invocation of the Holy Guardian Angel and is meant to call down the light of one’s higher self.  The ritual was written by the head of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, a man who called himself MacGregor Mathers.  It was a translation from a late medieval manuscript called The Book of the Sacred Magic of Abra-Malin the Mage.  

Mathers said the guardian angel is connected to man, but he is in no way a part of him. About this relationship, he remarks that the guardian angel “knoweth better than you your nature and  constitution, and who understandeth the forms which can terrify you, and those of which you can support the sight”.

Crowley himself said “There is a single main definition of the object of all magical Ritual.  It is the uniting of the Microcosm with the Macrocosm.  The Supreme and Complete Ritual is therefore the Invocation of the Holy Guardian Angel”.

Setting himself up in Boleskine House, Crowley went about preparations for the Supreme Ritual.  Along with calling down, or calling forth, the light of the Holy Guardian Angel, Crowley also meant to call forth the Lords of Darkness and bind them to the light of the Holy Guardian Angel. The intent was to control the darkness and make the world a better place.

Crowley had a weak constitution and was an irreparable drug and sex addict.  It should had been questionable at the time whether Crowley had the fortitude and discipline to complete the  six month long ritual.  Being that magic ritual was starting to be understood at the time as a gateway into the subconscious mind, the state of Crowleys subconscious should have been considered before making the commitment to the Holy Guardian Angel ritual.

Three months into the ritual Crowley stopped and traveled to Paris before moving onward to Egypt.  There are several reasons for this, one of which involves in-fighting within the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, and the other to allow for Crowley to chase after his drug and sex addictions. The consequences on Crowley’s life for leaving the Supreme Ritual incomplete are hard to determine, but it is clear that his life continued into extended debauchery and culminated in his eventual bankruptcy and failure at ever realizing his broader dreams and goals.

Marianne blinked and just stared back at me, as if she already know what was coming next. I told her about Writer’s Island and how I have felt for at least ten years that I needed to build a structure there and complete Crowley’s six month long ritual.  It was a calling, a force, an energy, which kept pushing and pulling me towards that fateful commitment.  What I didn’t tell her is that I had a strong knowing that I had already completed the ritual on Writer’s Island but just hadn’t got to that point in my life yet.

It was the feeling of needing to do something which I had already done at some point in the future but because I wasn’t there yet I still needed to do it. It’s force drew me forth towards an inevitable outcome. I was as much a victim to its timeless dark temptation as it was a victim to the growing light inside me.  Writer’s Island would be the crossroad where our past and future crashed together, giving birth to a new present.  An ever moving present which was unforgiving to the weak and corrupt.

As I waited for her response images of myself on Writer’s Island flashed through my mind.  The wind blew across its rocky surface and shook the battered wooden walls around me.  Spiritual and psychological warfare had taken place here. I lay in a musty corner surrounded by grass which had grown up through the floors boards.  Even though I was half-starving and could barely lift my emaciated body to walk outside, the light inside of me felt powerful and all-encompassing. It was as if bringing the Macrocosm down into the Microcosm was too much for the human form and its energy had reduced me to almost nothing. 

Outside I could hear the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks. Somewhere there was the rattle of bones as they tried to find their way home to me across the barren and hard surface of the island.  A boat engine in the distance. Someone was coming for me.  Who was it?  Was it Marianne? One of my sons? Someone that loved me was coming to save me.  But did I need saving?  Was it six months yet? 

One tear rolled down my dirty cheek as I coughed and fell over on my side.  Through blurred vision, I could see the light of the doorway and someone walk into the room.  It was me.  A younger and stronger me.  The figure approached and knelt down by my face.  Both looked at one another and grinned.  

Marianne shifted in the chair and said something about being scared as too who I would come back as.  We talked about that for a while and throughout the conversation, she started to become more comfortable with the idea.  But at the end, she said it wasn’t worth talking about because we’d have to be rich for me to quit work and commit six months, or more, to such an adventure.  Until we are rich it is all just imagination. But I know it has already happened.  So everything is going to change at some point. It feels good. 

Something is coming up but I pushed it back down. I won’t be able to do that for much longer.  JC

JC Collins can be contacted at

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44 Comments on “The Secret of Writer’s Island”

  1. Brother you made me cry. I was good until I saw your picture. I see the pain in your eyes and the sorrow on your face. You stand like Da Vinci’s perfect man. Or perhaps you’re standing like Crawley who is standing like Da Vinci’s perfect man….

    Your story reminds me of a movie that has stuck with me through time. Jeremiah Johnson. You know it surely my friend because it was the same journey as the one you speak of. Not all find what you are seeking even if they desire it so deeply they can taste it but I think you already know that. Should you end up needing to take this journey by friend…my brother, remember these words from your ol pal Dane will you? Might help you through a tough time by giving a slight grin…”watch your top knot.”

    Oh it also reminds me of Waldin. Still got the picture? Haha.

    Here’s the part where I agree with Marianne. She is a wise one she is. What if you actually end up doing very well surviving off the land? Will it simply serve to strengthen the power of ego? Will it bring out the animal in you? Will it solidify the presence of that animal now knowing it is capable of surviving the unforgiving horror of living with nothing but yourself? I agree with Marianne’s question…who will return?

    Having seen a video today that caught my unconscious and sparked further research I couldn’t figure out why this passion arose within. Now I know. When I show you…well you’re not going to believe it, but we have had this sort of synchronicity before haven’t we? Were like two entangled atoms, a quantum qubit of sorts. Something about a song “Mother” was the most recent one. So with my heart on my sleeve here it goes northern friend.

    Cool tatts by the way.

    “One should never think that man can reach perfection, he can only aim at completion–not to be perfect but to be complete. That would be the necessity and the indispensable condition if there were any question of perfection at all. For how can you perfect a thing if it is not complete? Make it complete first and see what it is then. But to make it complete is already a mountain of a task, and by the time you arrive at absolute completion, you find that you are already dead, so you never even reach that preliminary condition for perfection yourself. Completion is not perfection: to make a building perfect one must first construct it, and a thing which is not even half finished cannot be perfected. First make it complete: then polish it up if you have time and breath left. But usually one’s whole life is eaten up on the effort at completion. ~Carl Jung”

    And perhaps something to try while we are still working on becoming wealthy enough for you to take this journey.

    “Steps of the Individuation Process” also by Carl Jung.

    I know pretty freaky isn’t it? Something binds our souls at a level not of this world. I’m glad for it because it allows me to understand the pain and sorrow you feel one day and the joy yet another day.

    I will say one thing before fully supporting you in whatever you decide. I’ve lived alone for nearly 13 years now. I’ve discovered a good many things. Some I’ve fixed some I don’t care to fix because they never mattered anyway, which was a discovery in and of itself. Many call me a hermit and I’m okay with that because at least I know who I am and am being that person as whole as I can. I do feel a growing readiness to emerge back into society in the coming future but right now I ask myself why I would want to. Society looks so psychotic from inside an individualized state. Yet there is such a draw to be with the herd….oops, flock. The story is told many times over, wisdom shows that society will flock around you and build you up to be their prophet until they end up killing you because they have changed the direction of their beliefs and what they look up to. That’s the pattern of their psychosis. No I’ll stay a hermit for a while longer my friend hidden right here amongst them in the suburbs of Miami hidden in plain sight. 🙂

    1. To be alone

      To be alone, which is not a philosophy of loneliness, is obviously to be in a state of revolution against the whole setup of society—not only this society, but the communist society, the fascist, every form of society as organized brutality, organized power. And that means an extraordinary perception of the effects of power. Sir, have you noticed those soldiers rehearsing? They are not human beings any more, they are machines, they are your sons and my sons, standing there in the sun. This is happening here, in America, in Russia, and everywhere—not only at the governmental level, but also at the monastic level, belonging to monasteries, to orders, to groups who employ astonishing power. And it is only the mind which does not belong that can be alone. And aloneness is not something to be cultivated. You see this? When you see all this, you are out, and no governor or president is going to invite you to dinner. Out of that aloneness, there is humility. It is this aloneness that knows love—not power. The ambitious man, religious or ordinary, will never know what love is. So, if one sees all this, then one has this quality of total living and therefore total action. This comes through self-knowledge.

      The Book of Life – Jiddu Krishnamurti, March 12, HarperSanFrancisco, 1995

    2. “The Medieval alchemists hid the Great Arcanum among innumerable symbols and esoteric allegories. This was in order to save it from profanity, and in order for them to avoid being burned alive in the blazes of the Inquisition.” – Samael Aun Weor

      “Alchemy is an ancient science that preserved the method of transforming the base “metal” (a common person) into “gold” (a fully developed human being).”

  2. For some reasons unknown to me, whilst reading this rather esoteric article as yours always are, I thought of a movie which was written originally by Jack London and made to a movie in 1935. I am referring to “the call of the wild”. In fact, I watched it again with my wife a few weeks ago one evening and felt how this seemingly adventure story is packed with so much ancient wisdom and man’s quest in challenging its own nature as a way of understanding its own consciousness, that perhaps the wild nature which he is also a part of. The randomness of nature, the brutality and the veneer of beauty and finally to discover the “laws” governing man as well as nature. I get a feeling that your quest is what the ancient ancestors and the modern mythology experts name possibly with many names, such as the rites of the passage to higher consciousness, or as the late Joseph Campbell called it, The hero’s journey, all to discover the true essence that resides within each of us and possibly more. Although, I may be wrong for which I apologise. But a calling doesn’t always have a name or a reason!

    In any case, The story begins in Yukon that is located above British Columbia and little towns are predominantly to serve the gold seekers. I wonder if that’s why I thought of this great movie since it is based around your neck of the woods! I do believe in never leaving any ambition unattended and a calling is the invitation of the universe in exploration which should never be rejected.

    Here is the great movie and very high quality if I may add by Clark Gable, Loretta Young. A wonderful movie that captivated my imagination and with JC’s article it came to life for me somehow again:

  3. JC, firstly I am feeling nothing but respect and awe, to know that you will do this.
    And wow, the synchronicity is strong here. Within the last several days I have:
    1. Listened to an episode of The Higherside Chats podcast which among many and varied topics discussed Crowley’s aborted attempt at the Abramelin operation and the theory that he actually “summoned”, presumably accidentally, the Loch Ness monster. There were no sightings of it before 1899, it is claimed.
    2. Watched an independent Irish film called A Dark Song which is a seemingly realistic (questionable ending notwithstanding) fictionalised account of the Abamelin operation. Probably the best occult movie I have ever seen in ways.

    In fact I almost posted a tongue-in-cheek comment on your previous article to suggest you may be undertaking the Abramelin, but I thought better of it 😊

    JC you might want to check out the HGA book, if you haven’t already, by Michael Cecchetelli.

    I am really blown away to know that you will do it! I wish you well in advance brother. I am interested obviously but not ready and able to commit to in the near future. Not for the first time, I get the sense that I am on a somewhat similar path to yours, but that you are further along.

    Oh, and also during your funk
    3. I recently resumed weight training in my local gym after 6+ months hiatus. They say these things come in 3s don’t they. Yes it felt good to get back to it.

    “varying degrees of commitment”….

  4. “I needed to build a structure there and complete Crowley’s six month long ritual. It was a calling, a force, an energy, which kept pushing and pulling me towards that fateful commitment. What I didn’t tell her is that I had a strong knowing that I had already completed the ritual on Writer’s Island but just hadn’t got to that point in my life yet.”

    I beg you not to complete the ritual in real life. As a concerned Christian who cares about you, if you go down this road it will ruin you. I can already see a change in how you look. Please my friend you are being deceived.

    1. Please elaborate, and I wonder how do you know this with apparent certitude?
      Sorry if this sounds flippant, for this is a matter of utmost seriousness, but the phrase “you can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs”, springs to mind.

  5. Another perspective to this is “Philosophia et septem artes liberales, the seven liberal arts.”

    Sounds like Crowley was trying to balance the Trivium “The place where three roads meet” with the Quadrivium “The four ways”.

    Trivium consists of Grammar “knowledge (who, what, where, when)”, Logic “Understanding (why)” and Rhetoric “wisdom (how)” the upper “mindful” realm, the masculine (sun) “a method of critical thinking used to discern fact from fiction”.

    Quadrivium consists of Number “conceptualization of quantity and quality”, Geometry “number in space”, Music “number in time” and Cosmology “number in space & time” the lower “emotional” realm, the feminine (moon) “the arts of comprehending the nature of reality”.

    “We use our five senses (sight, sound touch, smell, taste), utilizing the Trivium as a method for discerning our own epistemological truths.

    It is by our nature that we search for the truth. We desperately seek to understand our world and how it all works. In our attempt it’s important not to put our logic in front of our grammar. The order of the Trivium is very important. We shouldn’t make a decision about something (Logic: Why), before we’ve gathered all the facts on the subject (the Who, What, When, Where). Academia, politicians, science, medicine, and the mainstream media all make this fundamental mistake.

    For instance there’s a lot of evidence to merit the existence of telepathy, but since scientists already “know” that’s impossible, the evidence is simply ignored. Mainstream science puts their cart before their horse, making the critical error of forming their beliefs before all the evidence is looked at.

    We use our five senses and the Trivium to understand the world around us, while making sure to recognize and reject logical fallacies and other flaws in reasoning. We form our own subjective truth utilizing the Trivium as a way of striving toward the Universal Truth, oft times examining the Quadrivium, in an attempt to better understand our self and our surroundings. We may never know the whole truth (The Universal Truth), but we can attempt to gain all the gnosis in the ‘akashic records’ by using this system.”

  6. For those who are driven by numbers there is also “Vortex Based Mathematics: Numerically Conceptualizing Reality”

    Where “Vortex Based Mathematics transcends our myopic quantitative understanding for the way Number operates in our holographic universe. Numbers are not just mere quantities. Each has its own unique quality, archetype, and behavior.”

    Although I think JC’s expression is the actual process of coming to this balance and understanding in an effort to harmonize the upper and lower, light and dark within. To bring them together in a central meeting place which would mean bringing the lower darkness (animalistic) nature up to the meeting place. It seems that Aleister Crowley wasn’t strong enough to shed his animalistic qualities in order to raise them up to meet which then forced the Holy Guardian Angel down into darkness. This is a corruption of the process.

    I’m just a fairly ignorant soul but it seems to me that the heart is the meeting place, the middle ground for the chemical wedding marrying the upper and lower, Holy Guardian Angel and the darkness of our animalistic ways.

    Isn’t it interesting how political correctness is outward words to mislead or hide from ourselves and others to the fact of our actual incorrectness. Also how the pattern of going to church has become or perhaps always was to commit immoral acts (sins) then go to church to beg for forgiveness of committing those sins from some outward God.

    I believe this is what making love represents here in the material world.

    For example, we have sex and we have making love.

    What’s the difference?

    Well sex is just satisfying animalistic urges having only lustful feelings for eachother. While making love is yes satisfying an animal urge BUT withholding pleasure or satisfaction in order to raise that (lower) sexual energy up by being with someone we so deeply care about that we actually take the time to set aside our own satisfaction to concentrate on pleasing the one we love.

    What does this consist of?

    There comes a point where you are so tuned into the delicacies of pleasing the one you love that their conscious mind succumbs to the moment and as it opens you sense their quivering excitement while they breath in the atmospheric energy. Then you follow that energy with the utmost delicacy down to the navel where you see, feel and sense the beating energy of the heart. This fills you with such joy you feel the energy raising from within your lower regions up through your spine encompassing your heart, mind and whole being, you can’t explain the feeling because words don’t exist for this expression but I’m doing my best. Somewhere along the way the world disappeared and all that remains are two energized hearts beating as one in harmony with the universe as one wholy complete being, masculine and feminine united in universal love, the true immaculate conception.

    1. Stop it Dane, remember this is Free POM, right Peter? 😉
      Just kidding, that’s beautiful man, again excuse my irreverant tone.
      And that blog looks real interesting, thanks.

      Wikipedia has some decent basic information on the topics discussed above, including the Book of Abramelin, the nature of the HGA (although clearly it means different things to different people), Crowley, the film I mentioned, and more.
      As JC suggested, leaving the ritual incomplete is thought to have disastrous consequences. One can speculate on Crowley’s abandoned attempt – my own supposition (and that’s all it is) is that he simply wasn’t ready for it. Consider that he was just 24 years old at the time, and had only joined the Golden Dawn where he was under Mathers’ tutelage roughly a year earlier. The fact that he was using Mathers’ flawed translation of the grimoire probably didn’t help either.
      However the Abramelin is not the only way to achieve the goal. Crowley later published an alternative and far less arduous method. Many would consider this a short-cut hack, unworthy of The Great Work, and disregard it accordingly. Others claim to have had success with it. To each his own path.

      1. Redjon, I watched the movie A Dark Song last night. How did I not know this movie existed?

        I’ll be commenting more to all of you in the coming days. Since I wrote that piece on Saturday I’ve been dreaming vividly and been feeling like I’m walking around in the dream state. It’s bizarre.

        Marsha, I really appreciate your concerns, and it’s not falling on deaf ears. I want you to know that.

        1. Yes it went under my radar as well, I just heard about it a couple of weeks ago. It was recommended in a lecture by occult researcher Thomas Sheridan. In fact he is also the one who spoke about Crowley and the Loch Ness Monster on THC. Fans of Joseph P Farrell should check him out. He’s written a few books and has a youtube channel called OpenSourceOccultTV.

      2. Hahahaha…okay 🙂

        Just one more….Gnosis 😉

        “a Greek word for knowledge which usually refers to any type of direct communion with the divine. Philo refers to this as secret “knowledge” (gnosis) and “wisdom” (sophia) of God. It is not only knowledge of the divine, but also of thyself, the world, nature and the Great Work (Great Arcanum or magnum opus).”

        So Jung’s meaning for completing first before thinking about perfecting must mean to know yourself first and most people take an entire lifetime to know themselves.

        In regards to A Dark Song (just from the trailer) mind you, Krishnamurti’s thought of dying each day to the conditioning of that day so we can wake up each morning seeing the world fresh and new with childlike eyes seems to apply. Shed the baggage (memories) we hold against ourselves so we can love ourselves as we should. Love is unconditional like a puppy dog. Smack it and it comes back with a wagging tale. No hard feelings everything forgotten. We need to forgive ourselves while understanding enough not to transgress again instead of punishing ourselves for a lifetime, so we can live while we are alive to do the living.

  7. JC,

    I have read this blog since the start. I was drawn to it for reasons I didn’t understand. Even when I abandoned devices of all kinds on my homestead, I still would find a way to check in. Sure the content is interesting, perhaps the best of its kind on the net, but that isn’t what kept drawing me back. It wasn’t till this piece that I knew it.

    I have long contended that an “event” would have to occur to shake humanity from its self-imposed slumber if our world was ever to have hope. I mean, let’s face it, humanities’ current trajectory isn’t one that is sustainable in any capacity. Despite not being much of a gambler and an optimist, even I don’t like those odds for my children’s future. Like most people however, “the event” I believed so strongly in may never manifest in the manner I thought. (ain’t that life) I felt so strongly that some kind of cataclysm HAD to happen in the physical world, but now for the first time in 41 years of life on this planet, I KNOW it won’t. “The event” is well underway, and it is spiritual. Let me elaborate.

    Like you, I have been on some sort of quest to know thyself for a long time. Even when I was unconscious to it, I was on it. The crumbs were strewn all around, I was just too busy partying and chasing skirts to fill an endless void. Like you, I found my female counterpart along the way. What a lot we were together. In the beginning, we were probably worse off together as we combined our destructive powers into one, and let ourselves loose in Chicago for 7 years. I honestly wish I remember more of those times, but I am grateful they are behind us. But, we needed to hit rock bottom so we could find the base from which to build ourselves up. We always envisioned ourselves in a cabin in the woods. We always talked about it, but never DID anything to attract it into existence. That all changed in 08′.

    Everything changed for us in 08. Our first child was born. She would have been enough to halt our own self destruction (or I like to tell myself that). Universe however, had better plans. Our entire concept of “normal day-to-day life” was about to be taken from us. Due to our employment choices, work became virtually non-existent for my wife (the real bread winner at the time) and mine was never lucrative enough to support our lifestyle. We would “loose” everything; our home-forclosed, our freedom- had to move in with my mother in the burbs, our direction- the one all our parents told us was the best one even if we didn’t agree. There were two dark years where nothing seemed to be heading anywhere positive. Then we woke up

    What we both really needed was the time to just BE, think, intuit, just slow down enough to see all that had been passing by along our lives together. For a time we thought we would rebuild our life back in our Wisconsin home town, only that’s not what our future selves wanted, it was what our parents wanted for us. Long story short, that didn’t go as planned either, but it did end with our new beginning, the beginning that brought me to the place where I am writing a long winded response to you. Whew, stay with me, i am going somewhere meaningful.

    In a few months it will have been 7 years since all that madness. 7 years since we cut ourselves off from the digital world on purpose. In that time, we took our then young two daughters and (literally) ran away from the Midwest in an old coach bus we converted into a livable space and drove it to Alabama where I have a little bit of land that has been in our family for over a hundred years. A place I had been before, but never knew it. A place that enchanted me with memories of myself in a different time. I was finally home. We lived for nearly 3 years in that bus. It was some of the most challenging and rewarding times of my life. We showered outside every day, rain or snow in some cases. We learned what one actually needs to be happy instead of what we think or are told we need. But this was only the start.

    We intended to run away and be homesteaders, despite knowing little about any of it. We lived in a bus before it was the neo-hippie hipster thing to do, but the bus was just a vehicle, figuratively and literally. The bus brought us to our true purpose. It brought our current selves to a place our future selves already were, and a place my past self had been many times, and we came with no less purpose than changing the world. Naive, I know, but true inspiration knows no limits. The bus resides somewhere in Colorado now, probably the tomb of some poor hipsters I tried multiple times to talk out of buying our bus. We upgraded to a 500 square foot cabin so we could fit our growing family into. I delivered our third child, our son, in that cabin. But the cabin is just a cabin. It’s not important. The land, however, is a totally different subject. It has evolved into something it was in a different lifetime, a space of Love. A space that anchors our family. A space that attracted most of the same family we ran from 7 years ago. God loves irony.

    Our space of Love is my writer’s island. It is a place magic is practiced daily. Only it wasn’t until the last few months that I understood all of this. Our space is our purpose, and from it we will share our gifts, and we will be rewarded with everything we ever really wanted from it. We had continued trying to live our old way in our new space; working a job we don’t like to pay for shit we need and want. Yields the same results as it always did; mediocre at best and still apart from our family. My future self guided me to the realization that our Space is our job. We already knew it to be our true purpose, and if only we can abandon the fears imposed on us by ourselves and our extended family, we can attain it, real freedom, spiritual connectedness, from which all other forms of freedom really spawn. It is the place we will literally change the world from. It’s the place where I realized that I never knew how to be a real man. Not the kind of man Western culture claims is a real man, but a complimentary pole to my feminine counterpart, a Superior Man.

    In reading your work over the years, especially recently, I see a man on the same sort of quest. You are setting our to do no less than change the world, and you are, changing the world. You are doing your part of “the event”. You are waking up, remembering who you are/were, a literal god on earth, a co-creator capable of manifesting whatever you desire. It’s that thread that connects us, or at least that’s how I choose to see it. There has been something that kept calling me back here, even when I have made it nearly impossible to do. I felt a connection and now I realize why, you’re about to change the world by changing yourself, and the light you will conjure as a result of it will change others. a drop in the ocean still makes waves, and I intuit you are about to make a hell of a drop.

    Hope this some sense. Maybe some day we’ll have a beer together. My future self already has 😉

    1. Jeremy, I remember you from the very beginning of POM telling us about your journey and the bus. I’m so glad you are still here and sharing your experiences. Life takes each of us on a strange and common quest to rediscover ourselves. Sometimes we rediscover parts of ourselves in the lives of others. Common.

      I also believe the real events in this world are spiritual as opposed to material. We obsess on the material and never realize that the material is a product of the spiritual. You’re a good man on a noble quest. Stay in touch and watch for the signs which are easily missed. You are right, the event is happening. Most feel it in some fashion or another. Some embrace it. Others are driving it.

  8. I’ve struggled with JC’s post for a few days now, attempting to find a proper response. Something beyond my normal self, something better than myself. Something that would grow me.

    I believe I may of found it.

    I’m going to perform a ritual, of circles, triangles, squares, incantations, fire, air, water, earth, time and space as per formula. mouch them all together, alcem them. Let’s see what we get.

    I will attempt to draw all the spirituals/elementals/ chems/and some of my own shit into the Magic.

    I am already fully convinced my dive will not have to be deep or accent high. I will not have to leave to this wonderful page . It is all right here, all I need to to do is swim. Swim, I pray I can paint the picture. as in swimming between all worlds, using water as a ballast to balance me between worlds. I flow, I am water.

    Stunning post JC, well worth the wait. Stunned, it has me taken days to contemplate it, and chase down the comments and the links that have come with it. Time well spent, in the process I was persuaded to take my “Writer’s Island” apart, sink it, make myself a castaway, go a float, without raft, alone, swimming at times, more often treading, not looking for land, just me and the water. I am water. uhh, going with the flow.

    When I say this page I mean what your totality of th
    article gave it and in addition the totality of the POM. To sum, I don’t float alone, keeping me adrift,(here is where I struggle for the words) is the flotsam/jetsam of the contributors, they keep me from sinking. I’m not quite water.

    This is my mix

    “I’m just a fairly ignorant man” “JC I beg you not to complete the ritual” “Laws” ” throw the baby out with the bath water” “who will return” “remember this is Free Pom” “Our space is our job” “Something is coming”

    Do I grow gills? Or look for landfall?

    Life is the ritual

    Can’t help myself, so then there is this.

    JC, I know exactly what your talking about, I understand completely. I got the same shit going on here. My Dear Sweet Good Gal is so fucking mad about the cash I’ve spent on Zerp in the last few months, including the X-Mas money, rather than have to listen to it, I’ve moved out to the old motorhome.(Writers Island??) Till it makes some money.

    I figure six months, fucking rituals.

    Love You Man

    1. Pieter, you nailed it. Life is indeed the ritual. It begins before we are even aware of it. Great comment my friend.

      Hope your back in the house for Christmas.

  9. “Something is coming up but I pushed it back down.
    Something is coming up but I pushed it back down. I won’t be able to do that for much longer.
    Something is coming up and I tried to push it back down. I wasn’t able to keep it down there with the other things. It’s coming up now. There is no stopping it.”

    Sorry redjon, can’t keep it down 😉

    Shadow fears the light never realizing that it comes from the light. If not for light shadow would never have been cast in the first place. But they are one in the same, because where one exists the other must exist. Therefore shadow must fear itself not knowing that its light just wants to understand itself.

    I commented the following elsewhere on POM but it truly was intended for this post.

    I once was just an unhappy psychopath, now I’m joyfully insane.

    For those who don’t grasp my perception of this statement let me elaborate. It means that I once lived by the guide of the herd mentality which is born from psychosis due to its nature of looking outward for what is within. That very herd mentality labels one who had the courage to break free and find truth within themselves and maintain the strength to live by that truth as being insane. But when we look at the word in-sane we see that it truly means inward-sanity. To me this translates to looking within and finding our own truth and then through the storm come to an understanding of ourselves. Once we understand the truth within ourselves and choose to live by this truth we are free of the psychosis of the herd mentality and are individualized thinkers or insane. That makes us creators due to our unique and creative thoughts.

    What can bring a greater joy?

    Beware though, for once we understand we also understand the psychosis of our fellow man which often includes our loved ones. This knowing not only brings joy it also brings great pain and sadness for our inability to teach or show our fellow man and loved ones how to also become insane. Truth has no path and is unteachable, it’s unique for each one of us which is why the journey is always the treasure of a lifetime and the experience of this journey is the treasure for all eternity because it is all we get to take with us in the end.

    This pain and sadness is reflected in JC’s eyes and face in the photo above. I’m glad I’m here brother 😉

  10. Dane My Good Man,
    I often do some of my best work from the comfort of my lazy boy in its fully reclined position. As for instance asI was doing just a few minutes ago. I was watching the latest episode of “Dark Journalist” #39 in a weekly series on the history of X-steganography and fell asleep in the chair. This line came to me in the dream I just woke from. Since I had never heard it before I thought I would share it.

    During the dream the question was asked, Have you been saged? I liked that line and wanted to get to paper before I forgot it with the rest of the dream. So I have.

    Enjoy The Weekend

    1. Hey Peter, been loving the stuff you’ve been sharing pal. In regards to your dream question…”Have you been saged?”

      If we use the Merriam Webster’s definition of Sage as being – wise through reflection and experience. I would love to answer, but would I not be showing the opposite if I say that I have been saged?

      Hahaha, man the “socratic paradox” of it all.

      In regards to the quandary at the heart of this post one could have reasoned this statement from having a conversation with yourself…I don’t know somewhere in a rickety cabin somewhere in the woods.

      “I am wiser than this man, for neither of us appears to know anything great and good; but he fancies he knows something, although he knows nothing; whereas I, as I do not know anything, so I do not fancy I do. In this trifling particular, then, I appear to be wiser than he, because I do not fancy I know what I do not know.”

      Man that old lady in line at Wendy’s so many years ago saying to her husband…”you know everything you learn after you know it all…is the most importing things to learn” she was a wise one she was.

    2. My Dearest Pieter,

      I was away and returned last night after a week but have been reading all the great comments JC’s fantastic articles and amongst many thought-provoking comments, your, “Have you been saged” comment made me think about what Iranians for the past several thousand years have been using for cleansing in general in particular the arrival of a child, weddings and other ceremonies. The burning of a combination of, “Espand” (Esfand) with a botanical name “Paganum Harmala” or “Syrian Rue” and dried tree sap/resin as Myrrh and others as pistachio tree resin and aromatic other tree sap in a metal container over hot charcoal is to this day a powerful cleansing method. What is interesting is that Espand is actually a powerful psychoactive plant seed and what’s more fascinating is that the sage plant (Salvia divinorum) is also a psychoactive plant that does exactly the same thing.

      So the question is why all the so-called cleansing plants or seeds which humanity from every corner of this planet has used forever needs to be psychoactive! The better question to ask is why do we need to “cleanse” space like a room or even ourselves at all. Is the purpose to remove so-called bad energy OR is it to induce a state of initiation into another form of being conscious? If so, can this initiation for the living souls in that space to somehow disconnect psychically from the non-living entities in that space that happen to cohabit the place?! We know that psychoactive plants are also planted-teachers and the earliest priesthood namely Shamans somehow learnt all their skills from such teachers in states not accessible in normal day to day life. I have had similar experiences and depending on the focus and attention one can ask questions with answers that are remarkable and simple. Terrence McKenna said in one of his lectures that he was asked by somebody in the audience as to why he won’t ask the Mushroom “how to solve the world problems?”. McKenna explains that he thought the person asking the question was unreasonable but he posed the question in a session and the Mushroom told him, “Each mother to have only one natural child” and apparently the answer was questioned and the same answer was given. McKenna then thought about the answer and he calculated that within 150 years if the Mushroom advice was taken, the earth population would drop to one Billion without any wars or mass killings or oppression. This dialogue on the surface is logical and very simple but when you consider that some parts of the world such as Bangladesh, Pakistan, India and China’s population growth is out of control, the Mushroom’s answer somehow is very intelligent. The answer, also shows that the Mushroom entity knows far more about why there are so many problems in the world that are the result of too many people and their fight for the limited resources. This planet belongs to plants and they teach humans all they know and all we know is because of these wise and silent beings!

      A while ago I watched this fascinating talk by the late Terrence McKenna who talks about Harmala and how it connects to the ancient Vedic Soma and its Iranian equivalent Haoma plant. The ancient Zoroastrian Avestan text describes that the only way to attain knowledge is to use Haoma plant which according to Terrence McKenna was the original sacred plant used to travel to the higher realms.

      My last thought was that whether the question that came to you, “Have you been saged” may have a much deeper significance than simply being cleansed physically and I believe such powerful questions are there for a reason to possibly direct our attention to something higher than our day to day life challenges. I think I noticed a comment by Dane regarding DMT so I believe, all of these are somehow connected and the aim is the elevation of our consciousness and at this time we seem to be all invited to move many steps up! Thank God we have this wonderful community of great men and woman at POM at this time. God Bless each and every one you for being You.

      Terence Mckenna on Harmala, history and usage:

      Espand seed:

      Sage plant:

      Dialogue with a Psilocybin Mushroom Experience (Terence Mckenna):

      1. Hi Carpe Diem,
        That’s very interesting and indeed I don’t know why that connection didn’t occur to me, the fact that Salvia is a member of the sage family. As you say it is an incredibly powerful entheogen (perhaps the most powerful of all), been used by shamans for centuries, and definitely could be an apt reference in a dream-state.
        It is absolutely not comparable to the better-known hallucinogens like psilocybin; it doesn’t merely induce visual hallucinations, it is more like a full-body experience, very hard to describe. Some years back I had some really profound experiences with it where I felt the plant was trying to teach me about the underlying nature of reality. I fully intend to resume exploring salvia-space in future but sadly it has become much harder to obtain in recent years – an innocent casualty of the so-called war on drugs. I say innocent because, like most entheogens, there is virtually no evidence that it causes any harm whatsoever. Like Ayahuasca it is something to be taken very seriously and respectfully, not at all suitable for recreational use.
        For anyone interested I recommend doing some research on the excellent site

        1. Hi Redjon,

          This subject has been my interest for a very long time and the connection between cleansing space and psychoactive element took me a while to figure out and this opened a new path for me to consider why we do these so-called rituals in the first place.

          The practice of incense and smudging or burning Espand (Harmala) is used also in magic ceremonies and last week when I was away, I watched 1968, a so-called horror movie that is fairly well known (Devil Rides Out). I watched this movie probably 30 years ago and did not appreciate the significance of the elements discussed but with a new mind, I found the story and the movie to be fascinating and very useful in understanding what occult ceremonies that we collectively call Satanism is all about. For one thing, the writer (Dennis Wheatly) of the story was himself an occultist and according to the wiki piece on him, he had dinner/lunch with Aleister Crowley and I suspect he was an OTO member himself or somehow associated with the Magic circle. In a scene in the movie, you will notice an occultist priest following behind the high priest is carrying a burning incense for a Satanic ritual/initiation of a sort. What follows is a kind of orgy which due to the 1968 censorship rules and regulations is only implicated when the participants dance and display a kind of sexual act on one another which may mean that they are under the influence some kind of psychoactive plant/drugs that is a part of such rituals.

          One thing that came to my mind was the term, “Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll” whilst watching that particular scene and it is similar in the way dark magic was used to subjugate an entire generation in the west in the ’60s and how all of this is now so normalized! The control of the high priest by Mind Control was another thing that made me think how effective that aspect has been on the population. Anyway, I can recommend this great movie, my friend.

          1. Thanks for the tip Carpe Diem, yes I’m sure I did see that film in my youth but memories are hazy, I shall defintely check it out again. I mainly remember the iconic ritual scene with the purple robes. Certainly it is well-known as one of the best, if not the best, productions in the extensive Hammer Horror catalogue.
            Interesting character, Dennis Wheatley. With a quick search, this fascinating article by Jay Dyer came up:

          2. Thank you Redjon,

            The link was really great and I enjoyed reading about the relationships of the people in and around the book and the movie. I do not believe that the movie industry would make anything as equally revealing as this one these days, but I could be wrong!

            The book is based on real rituals and the high society and social classes that are always into such occult practices because they are often bored and the next step after having all the worldly goods at your disposal is POWER! However, what is really interesting about this movie, is that the more you dig in, the more you’ll find the selection of characters were also drawn from the so-called European nobility and the top echelons of the British class system. Both Christopher Lee and the actress were from such backgrounds. The actress who played the young lady, Tanith (Nike Arrighi) later married Prince Paolo Borghese. The Borghese is one of the 13 aristocratic families possibly related to the Venician (Pheonician), “They were one of the leading families of the Black Nobility and maintain close ties to the Vatican.”. Nike Arrighi was from an upper-class French background.

            The link you sent was extremely illuminating in the role that Aleister Crowley who later worked for the MI5 (Internal security) and the SIS (Secret Intelligence Service) had always played for control and domination by the British empire. The mind control techniques that have been used from the Elizabethan era initiated by Queen Elizabeth I special agent which she codenamed 007 has continued to this day. It seems the Western Intel agencies with the help of the banking cartels have employed Academia and the entertainment industry/media to control and subdue the population ever since. What is incredible is that certain parts of the curtain were torn down and now we have a glimpse of the shadowy people in the background. In some ways, such movies as Devil Rides Out, planted the seeds of an inquiry into what is the purpose of such practices but of course, this remains esoteric and to the majority of the population is meaningless fantasy! Yet, the occult practices as screened in the movie is now expansive and the same methods are used via a very sophisticated technology that remains unknown and seemingly unfathomable and beyond the comprehension of the normal people but the result is to control the minds of the population.




    1. Good stuff Dane. Daoist nei gong (inner alchemy) is a path I will explore sooner or later. When I do, the teachings of Master Mantak Chia will be essential

      1. Lol, I hear you redjon but five days in darkness seems pale in comparison to the years in darkness I’ve actually lived. Perhaps drawing from those years is what has led me to the light. Sometimes darkness leads us to the light right? Good luck when you do my friend.

          1. I got you pal. Unfortunately through the times I’ve done psychedelics I’ve never to date had a psychedelic experience. I’ve not figured out why yet, heck I probably never will. Just my journey I suppose. Maybe I’, just an anomaly and don’t have a pineal gland at all, or maybe I’m so rooted…or grounded I just can’t fly 😉

          2. Haha, well I like a challenge! So maybe one day I can help you with that man, should you wish 😉

  11. JC,

    I am so thrilled you’re back. As the days went by between posts, I began to wonder – were you on a much-needed vacation, or had something more sinister kept you from writing? This post scares me, but I admire that you are fully committed to your journey. I have been reading your posts from the beginning, and have learned so much from you, Dane, Carpe Diem and others (so excited to see Jeremy post again!). I am still just a seed, but have long felt the pull of “something more” which I believe led me to finding you five years ago. I will be retiring from a 30-year federal career in two weeks, and am looking forward to spending my time diving deep into esoteric writings and other discoveries. Now, where to begin…

    Thank you for sharing yourself,


  12. JC ,

    I read your post a few days ago , and I’m still not sure of what I can say about it. It sound like a pure moment of truth and break me in two parts . One who will try to ask you not to go too far , and the other one who will tell you to go your own way , as no one knows better than yourself where is your own truth .
    I’ve read all the answers , thought about it , and what come to my mind is POM is a great and fantastic community , where members try to share their own experience , whatever it could be .
    Just like Pieter , it took me a few days to try to give my own feelings about it . And I’m not sure it’s worth the reading . But anyway , this is my life and my own path to some kind of consciousness .
    First , I’m an european guy , born in the fifties , in a small french town , living a rural childhood , where people had to work hard to earn some money , be it in factories or farms , where churches were still powerful . Spent my childhood in happiness and ignorance , until Kennedy’s death as a first contact with the real world and then Vietnam War , and the real awakening.
    Too young , too busy trying to earn my own life in the 70’s , chasing girls and starting my first family life to be able to connect with my inner self . It comes later , at the turn of the 80’s , after leaving Europe , trying to settle down in South America , and coming back to Europe when I started to realize I was on the wrong path . It took me around 30 years to become an adult , to begin an inner process that I will never complete and to become what I am now .
    And who am I ? Still a very ordinary little boy who grew up , still chasing too much of a material world , unable to go very far in my own spiritual quest as time goes by , seeding some regrets ” au fil du temps ” .
    But , what I learned ( and may be it’s just to comfort myself in my own position ) , what I learned is that’s whatever is your quest , it will allways be unfinished .
    Whatever it could be , the most important are the planted seeds you left behind and all around you , may it be family , friends and in your special case POM community and all the positive feelings and energy you have been able to generate .
    That’s what I wanted to say , don’t know if that could help .
    Sometimes I do feel some kind of sorrow and loneliness ( despite loving family and friends ) thinking about the pure innocence of childhood and teenage , when everything seemed so easy . But as a simple guy , I feel happy ( and unsatisfied at the same time ) on my own simple , twisted and too corrupted path to wisdom . So many things to do to betterment ……
    I’m too weak . But that’s my life and I like it , as I love my relatives , even if my bigger regret is not to be able to transfer to my children this spark of wisdom that I learned so slowly…….
    Everyone has to walk his own way . In the search of the light , don’t put to much pressure on yourself , pal…..

    1. Well written my friend. You captured a lot of what I feel as well. There’s a strange sadness about what was left behind. Somehow, somewhere, everything is going to loop back and connect all consciousness across the years and wastelands of our unbridled emotions. Somewhere along the way, we become something more than we were. Sometimes we don’t even realize it.

    1. “To know the sum of the knowledge of nothing,…”

      Chemical Wedding, C.R.C…. 🙂

      Love that one, seems to give up a little more each time I read it. Thanks redjon.

      Let’s hope and strive until we all find “Virgo Lucifera, uncorrupted knowledge” in today’s society within this world of matter as triune constitutions of man.

      “Society, they maintained, was a threefold structure and had its analogy in the triune constitution of man, for as man consists of spirit, mind, and body, so society is made up of the church, the state, and the populace. The bigotry of the church, the tyranny of the state, and the fury of the mob are the three murderous agencies of society which seek to destroy Truth as recounted in the Masonic legend of Hiram Abiff.”

      Crowley – “There is a single main definition of the object of all magical Ritual. It is the uniting of the Microcosm with the Macrocosm. The Supreme and Complete Ritual is therefore the Invocation of the Holy Guardian Angel”.

      The Chemical Wedding – “The bridegroom is reality and the bride the regenerated being who attains perfection by becoming one with reality through a cosmic marriage wherein the mortal part attains immortality by being united with its own immortal Source.”

      Hermetic Marriage – “divine and human consciousness are united in holy wedlock and he in whom this sacred ceremony takes place is designated as “Knight of the Golden Stone”; he thereby becomes a divine philosophic diamond composed of the quintessence of his own sevenfold constitution.”

  13. Fascinating link Dane thanks. When I saw it over on the other article where you posted it first, I too made the connection to this article 😉
    Not only the Abramelin rite but the “dark retreat” espoused by daoist master Mantak Chia which we discussed in the comments above.
    The paths to enlightenment are many and varied but they cross over and interconnect at so many points along the way.
    The ancients knew these paths and trod them over the centuries. Whilst it is saddening that the knowledge came to be suppressed, it is gladdening that we moderns are still able to “resurrect” it now, in the information age.

    1. Thanks redjon. That about sums up the emotional struggle I’ve gone through the last couple of weeks, visualizing the same line of events and seeing the same fight to suppress yet today. That we are “resurrecting” it is what brought a smile back to this heart.

  14. “…The eternal cry of man is “Make it easy.” We do not realize that we must grow up to things. It is a great mistake to attempt to bring Truth down to ignorance. The result is always misunderstanding and perversion. Man must be brought up to Truth. He should eternally aspire toward the highest. He should never seek to drag things spiritual down to his level….”

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