By JC Collins
In the year 1981 at the age of seven I sat next to the record player listening to Angel of the Morning by Juice Newton while reading Three Billy Goats Gruff. It was my favorite story as a child and in later years I would come to recognize the attempts of the three goats to cross the bridge in order to reach the greener and richer hills on the other side as a symbolic tale of masonic initiation.
The lush fields on the other side of the bridge of course represent man’s attempts at completing a journey to obtain everlasting life inside the physical immortal body. The troll represents man’s carnal and beastly nature which must be overcome in order for the journey to be completed.
Little did I know then that the story had planted a seed in my mind in reference to three’s which would later blossom into wonderful stems of esoteric knowledge woven into perennial patterns.
The pattern of three’s, as in three goats, are manifest in the first 3 degrees of the masonic rites. But back in those early days I saw patterns as something wholly different and confusing than what I would perceive in my later years.
In my youth I saw the material world not as physical objects but as fluid geometric shapes which would come in and out of focus. These shapes shifted and shimmered in patterns of profound complexity.
Later in the year 1996 and 1997 I would spend hours on the internet reading endless conspiracy sites and listening to the Art Bell radio show which was called Coast to Coast. Art Bell had a unique and sublime tone to his voice that kept me listening. Not to mention the random and intriguing guests he had on the nightly program.
During the commercial breaks they would play the song If You Could Read My Mind by Canadian folk singer Gordon Lightfoot. The whole experience was rewarding and pulled me deeper into the world of conspiracy theories and conspiracy facts.
The information presented was mind blowing and sometimes too fantastical to even believe, but I kept listening and learning and piecing together the random bits of knowledge. Eventually a pattern began to form in my mind and what at first appeared random morphed into something with an intangible structure but not yet clearly defined.
As the years went on and the world continued to change I filtered all events through the screen of conspiracy and the internet voices and writings which I had become familiar with. Many predictions came and went with little fanfare after the fact. It began to dawn on me that many of the once trusted sites could very well be a form of social counter espionage meant to funnel and create the opinions of the masses that didn’t succumb to the propaganda of the mainstream sources.
It was difficult to separate my thoughts from the conspiracy theories as they filled a much needed information gap in my knowledge and understanding of the world. Like an addiction I consumed my daily dose and went in search of more.
The overt conflict within the conspiracy world was obvious and at times escalated into blogging wars of online epic proportions. It was as if the inner conflict within man was being externalized across the web based world.
Conflict always finds a way to materialize.
The ranting and raving broke the illusion for me and I began to consciously recognize the pattern of the intangible structure which was simmering just beneath the surface of my everyday thoughts.
This structure told of a repeating process in man where truths are both regarded and disregarded at manifested intervals. The mind finds familiarity in the things in its environment and creates a subconscious construct. Events and knowledge are then filtered through this construct and what matches this subconscious reality is retained and what doesn’t is aggressively disregarded.
At some point in this process I realized that conspiracy theories were creating more confusion and chaos than helping. It became very clear that like all things in life, conspiracy was only about 30% true. The rest of the information was corrupted by the internal deficiencies within each one of us. Like a lie which is passed around the room, the story begins to change and morph into fantastical tales which are supported by little outside of the storyline itself.
It took massive lost and destruction in my personal life before I was able to begin reconciling the geometric patterns of my youth with the esoteric patterns of my later years. Slowly an abstract philosophy began to develop in my mind and the world began to shift into recognizable fragments of comprehension.
These fragments merged with the knowledge obtained from over a thousand books and endless hours streaming live radio from the internet.
It was only on my 40th birthday last New Years Eve that I decided to step away from my own shadow and begin to write down ideas and concepts which I felt would release the pressure inside my mind.
At first I had no idea of what exactly I was going to write about and nor did I have any expectations of what this site would become to not just myself, but so many others.
There are so many amazing human beings which have been with me from the start here and it is I who is blessed with their companionship.
From the consistent Dane and Dripfood, to the contemplating Dee, and with the now quiet Hugh and the persistent Matt, I continue these writings in the additional presence of the Janus AxxFann and Irrelevant111, not to fail to mention Spanish Daniel and and disagreeable Tyberious.
And all the others who have since joined us here, whether silent readers or part time commenters, all are welcome and have enriched my life and this blog.
There are times when my writing style has likely challenged many, and for that I apologize. I attempt to use emotionless wording and expressions to facilitate the inner process of self-initiation and awareness to the outward expression of our deepest conflicts.
Some of the more esoteric and creative works are written differently and for different purposes. The method by which I balance both the economic and geopolitical writings and the creative style are still somewhat of a mystery to me.
The saying “we see what we want to see” is always present in our interpretations as we build our own constructs. Each post I write and publish is well thought out and its effects considered beforehand.
But at the same time I am still finding my voice and writing style. In some sense, this blog is my initiation into the mysteries of myself. Like the first goat crossing the bridge, I started writing and found myself unprepared for the appearance of the troll.
Now I am again approaching the esoteric bridge, this time manifested as the second goat and though I know I am still not prepared for the troll, I continue regardless.
Perhaps this post on reflections and perceptions is my attempt to connect with an audience which I may be disconnected from. Not by socioeconomic or geopolitical status, but by the self-imposed isolation and fragmentation of my intangible construct.
Reaching out to the worlds of others is why I write.
I’d like to thank all my readers and those sites which republish my writings. Thanks for joining me on this journey and thank you for your patience with my abstract and at times challenging style. It is all of you who are bringing clarity to my life. It is you who offer me a connection to the tangible. – JC